my hand has a space to hold something not there
fingers can carefully remove now
anything different or unnecessary or dead skin
or failing so that
it wil be whole. Nothing can be whole with this much missing,
but what to put, where to look, how
do they figure this out, these equations
the numbers too simple
its gotta be more than this
doesn't it? new place
won't I be so surrounded by air
won't the walls be covered with
stolen art and grandfathers letters
and won't I be sleepless
with sirens nod-outs glasses breaking
cars jacking stopped,
new absence of something that's
been prepared for, I prepared for it
how could I have prepared for it
I couldn't have been ready.
these two children cry I-love-you
with three hand squeezes all
the way home.
I've been sitting in dust I need a dog
something to care for, I've been
breathing in those particles they've
been concreting my lungs
but maybe that's still better than sinking acetone into my arms
& its best that we not see each other
right side vision's gone anyway
its just best, I've always said the best one night
stand you never have to see again
its not so easy to forget
maybe you're a fixation, something shallow for me to
hang up on or swim in, or maybe there was too
much implication in that morning ride to your car.
In my new one. A new car
one my father can't drive anymore
one I almost ran into a house, Crozet, new years of
the new millennium, new car old pants
hands shoved in pockets I'm going for a walk soon
3/4 of my reddened face trying to meet you somewhere
what is this about, am I about to crack up?
is it too late did I already
did I already mention I need something to care for?
something borrowed, can I spare this?
you get nothing, none
your beating heart extra hours distance home
and I get used to remembering the not knowing
of what to feel
ghetto blasting of some music that's sweet to someone
that someone's singing along to,
in slowed time I've forgotten what I need to do to finish
being here
and when I do I can leave, that's what's best, what I can do is to
leave the space of me for you to get used to, this new nothing.